WEDDINGS...by JANE

In my Email today-The honor of your presents - is not the request!!!!

AAWP's Weekly Words of Wedding Wisdom™ Asking for Gifts the RIGHT Way! Copyright 2009 Deborah McCoy, all rights reserved. Today we'd like to talk to you about the right way to ask for gifts. After all, we know it's impolite to include registry information in an engagement party, shower, or wedding invitations. and what's worse is to ask for cash! The reasoning is this: You cannot dictate to your guests the type of gifts you'd like to have. and it's not up to you to tell them where to purchase them. And to ask for cash is the ultimate faux pas especially when your wedding invitation only asks your guests for ".the honour of their presence." and that's not spelled P-R-E-S-E-N-T-S. So how do you solve the problem? Spread your registry information through the grapevine. Tell your family and bridal party to spread the word. and use the Internet to your advantage. Most couples have wedding websites to provide information to their guests and family members concerning all pre-wedding festivities and parties, etc. Putting your wedding registry information on your website for your guests to access is perfectly appropriate. When it comes to showers, your hosts can be a little pushier. Maybe you'd like to go to the Caribbean on your honeymoon so your maid of honor throws a Caribbean Honeymoon Shower. When guests call to inquire, the MOH will say, "Sue and Bob really want a Caribbean honeymoon so I thought I'd help them out a bit. Bring a gift they can take with them and if you can't think of anything, greenbacks will do : -)." Although the bride and groom may never ask guests for cash, the guests may ask your family and friends and bridal parties what you'd like to have and in this case, it's OK to tell them. Happy Wedding Planning!

Fall, Fall Colors and Falling Leaves

This has been the quickest summer yet.  Can you believe that it's almost dark at 7:30PM CST and the kids are back in school.  One of the neighbors has a fall wreath on her front door, and I have a long sleeved shirt on.  Well  I thought I'd better get into the Fall Coloring mood so that all the brides can get some ideas for decorating for their fall weddings.  I came across these personalized leaves and thought they'd be good for scattering on the guest tables.  I was really looking for school supplies when I came across them.  Somehow wedding ideas creep into my computer without me even thinking about them.

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Great Old/New Idea!

Remember those chains we used to make to decorate for parties?  Cutting strips of red and green construction paper glueing them together and then hanging them on the Christmas tree.  My mother used to have me make these paper chains when we were getting ready to go on a car trip.  Each strip was given a 25 mile leg of the trip.  Dad would let me know when we went 25 miles and I would rip off a chain.  They thought it would end the endless question of "Are we there yet?" 

Yes, you guessed it, someone came up with the idea of marketing a wedding day chain.

 

What a cute Idea to give as an engagement gift.  They also have birthday and baby due date chains.

Check them out at Big Day Chains

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Wedding Kool

We keep seeing more and more of the bold colored shoes under wedding gowns as our brides come in for fittings.  Just thought that Kenzie Shores Photography got a great picture of these hot pink ones.

If you're going to spend the money and wear them, make sure your photographer gets a great picture of them.  They do make a statement.  "See the Bride in the HOT PINK SHOES, bet she and her groom won't be dancing to blues."

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Wedding Kool

This is a post from one of the blogs I follow daily with great enthusiasm. She is also a fellow ABC Consultant. Her Website is www.thebridalparty.net and that's where you'll find her great blog or click on Source below this entry.

Since mis-matched bridesmaids in the wedding party is such a big trend today and a daily purchase at my store, I thought I'd re-post her blog entry because she stated it so well and gave great examples of the trend.

Thanks Rashana

A growing trend among brides and their wedding parties is non-matchy-matchy bridesmaid dresses and bouquets. Some may continue to shy away from this idea, as it can be deemed "nontraditional," but it's a clever way to set your wedding apart from rest. Furthermore, for groups of bridesmaids with varying body types, this idea may come as a godsend! Once a cohesive color palette is chosen, allowing each maid to choose her own dress style and possibly even the flowers for her bouquet ensures everyone is comfortable. But remember, it's extremely important you do your homework to be sure hues, fabrics, designs and florals blend. Not that the dresses have to be the same exact color, fabric or length, but everything should flow and complement.

Here are a few examples of non-matchy-matchy bridesmaids done right!

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Wedding Gown Lingo- Bubble HemLine

Two great examples of the bubble hemline.  It's a beautiful and elegant added touch to any wedding gown.  Giving that added WOW along with updating the trumpet skirt.  Add this design detail to your vocabulary.

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To Invite the officiant/Or to not invite the officiant - This is the Question???

Being one of the "old school planners" that always thought that not inviting the officiant to the reception was a breach of etiquette, I was in a bind when asked this question recently concerning a pastor that was not the couple's home church minister.  As usual  Elizabeth Oakes of the Wedding Examiner has the answer.

Whether to invite your wedding presider to the reception depends on:

1. the type of wedding you’re having,

2. your relationship with the officiant, and

3. budgetary and venue constraints.

The notion that an officiant must be invited to the celebration hearkens to an earlier time, when etiquette writers presumed your ceremony would be formal and conducted by clergy you or your family knew personally.  Here’s a paragraph from Emily Post’s 1922 etiquette book, which seems to indicate clergy should be invited to the reception and treated as "distinguished guests"--but only if they are clergy of some status, of course.  Pinkies up as you read, please:

THE TABLE OF THE BRIDE’S PARENTS

The table of the bride’s parents differs from other tables in nothing except in its larger size, and the place cards for those who have been invited to sit there. The groom’s father always sits on the right of the bride’s mother, and the groom’s mother has the place of honor on the host’s right. The other places at  the table are occupied by distinguished guests who may or may not include the clergyman who performed the ceremony. If a bishop or dean performed the ceremony, he is always included at this table and is placed at the left of the hostess, and his wife, if present, sits at the bride’s father’s left. Otherwise only especially close friends of the bride’s parents are invited to this table.

As you can see, Emily’s presumptions about the de facto wedding in 1922--that the host is always the bride’s father, the wedding ceremony is religious in nature, the presiding clergy is always male and usually Protestant (with wives in the mix), and that both sets of parents were still married and would agree to sit amiably next to one another throughout the proceedings--doesn't reflect the diversity of American weddings today.  In other words: conditions have changed.

The number of civil and nondenominational weddings have rapidly increased over the past two decades, and the rise of the professional “wedding officiant,” (not always well-known to the couple, unlike family clergy) has changed the landscape where invitations are concerned.  As always with etiquette predicaments, common sense and kindness should be your guides when considering whom to invite:

If you are having a religious wedding conducted by a clergyperson from your home congregation, or your officiant is part of your continuing spiritual life in some way, it makes sense to extend an invitation (whether you seat them at the family table is up to you.)  This is a person with whom you have an important ongoing relationship, so including them in your celebration is considered the correct thing to do.  Most of the affiliated clergy I know assume they will be attending the celebration if they conduct a wedding for a couple in their religious community.

if you're hiring a professional wedding officiant or unaffiliated clergyperson--not someone you know personally or expect to interact with again--you're not obligated to extend an invitation, in the same way you wouldn’t “invite” other wedding service providers like a florist or caterer.  However, as with other wedding vendors, you may wish to consider ordering a “vendor meal” for your presider, especially if they have traveled a long way to the ceremony site.  That decision rests entirely with you, but should be discussed with your officiant before the wedding so appropriate plans can be made on both sides.

I conduct weddings professionally myself and I understand that budget, venue, and social comfort are issues that can restrict the invite list, so I never presume I will be invited to a reception nor do I feel entitled to be there.  Because many couples inquire and seem conflicted about this issue, I’ve put a note to this effect in my informational materials; that way, clients can relax and not worry that they’ve breached some code of proscriptive etiquette.  I suggest all wedding presiders similarly clarify their expectations up front, to ease the minds of their clients.

A professional officiant should harbor no expectation of an invite; however, you may have developed a special rapport through the course of your wedding planning and feel you would enjoy his/her company at your celebration.  If so, it's a lovely gesture to offer your presider a place at your wedding table.  I am frequently invited to attend celebrations and, if my schedule allows, I am grateful for the chance to sit down and enjoy the festivities (bear in mind that your clergy or officiant may have other professional obligations after your wedding, so they may need to refuse your invitation--nothing personal.

It’s a nice perk to be able to break bread with a couple’s circle of friends and an opportunity to reflect further on the wedding and marriage--and, as I have confessed before in this column, I do have an abiding love of cake.  However, whether you grant your "officiant for hire" such benefits depends on your specific circumstances, especially when a venue is very small and seating is limited. "© Elizabeth Oakes 2009, reprinted with permission"

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Great advice in my Email today!

AAWP's Weekly Words of Wedding Wisdom™ Preventing Guests from Inviting Guests... Copyright 2009 Deborah McCoy, all rights reserved. AAWP gets lots of email about guests inviting guests. You know the scenario: Invite two people to your wedding and six show up. Some are even so brazen as to put the number of people they're inviting on the response card, for example: Number of Guests: __ 6__ AAWP recommends that you never put "Number of Guests" on your response card. In this example, guests simply "check" the appropriate response (no "numbers" allowed): The favour of a reply is requested by September fifth M______________________________ ________Accepts _______Regrets Recently, we got an idea from one of our AAWP consultants-one that will nip this problem in the bud! In the following example, the bride and groom wrote on the response card (third line): The favour of a reply is requested by September fifth Two seats are reserved for M_________________________________ ______Accepts ______Regrets This is a great idea and leaves no doubt in the guest's mind about who's invited and who isn't. With the average cost of a wedding today close to $28,000, it's time that we took matters into our own hands. A wedding is not a time to let guests invite guests. Happy Wedding Planning!

Wedding Kool

Love this chair wrap by Dress my Party Chair.  Texture and color in one.  They also give some great tips on their website to dress up you reception.  Example
Tip No. 9
If you have one of those hard to match colors, send us a swatch and we can try to match it. Use a custom colored overlay in your unique color to make a big color splash and use complementing colors for all other items to add contrast and contain costs.

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