WEDDINGS...by JANE

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Aren't these covered and decorated chairs adorable for a beach wedding?  Although I can picture them for any outdoor wedding.  Did you notice the fan tucked inside of the sash and bow?  LUV IT!

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Wedding Notes ™

Let's talk "Rehearsal"

Try to imagine a Broadway show being staged without a rehearsal.  It just doesn't compute.  Too much time, money effort and talent have gone into getting the show to this point. The cast may be composed of experienced actors who have done shows before, but they haven't done this one. Rehearsing is what pulls it all together.

Your wedding is your equivalent of a stage production.  You have been the producer, costume desiger and will play the staring role.  With the help from others you have gotten this far.  A rehearsal will make sure that all the players know their lines and where to go when.  Make sure that you and your attedants pay attetion at the rehearsal.  There really is a reason for this.  Even the simplest ceremonies can benfit from a once-through.  After all the time and effort that has gone into planning this wedding, no one wants to "wing it".

The officiant will take you through the procedures.  He/She has presided over many rehearsals and understands the mood and atmosphere.  But it is important to ensure that everyone - including readers, and singers - know their cues.

Be especially attentive to any children that are included in the ceremony.  Not only should they practice their walk down the aisle, but also they should know that they are expected to be on their best behavior for the entire ceremony.

A half hour of everyone's concentration now will save anxiety on the next day.

Wedding Wishes

Jane

From the Bridal Mansion of Lisle

 

Member of Nationl Bridal Service

 

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Love the lighted glass stand the wedding cake is sitting on. 

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Wedding etiquette: where it comes from, and how to make your own-

Elizabeth Oakes always comes up with great posts.  Read this one from her recent blog entry.

I'm a big fan of Judith Martin, (aka Miss Manners) and was thrilled to be contacted this week by her PR group about receiving a pre-release copy of her new book on modern wedding etiquette.  She is a delightfully witty writer, and, unlike the etiquette purveyors who draw heavily on a sense of social elitism to sell their wares, Ms. Martin consistently emphasizes that the bottom line of etiquette is kindness to others, not whether you can distinguish an oyster fork from a butter knife.

Poring through Carol McD. Wallace's entertaining "All Dressed In White: The Irresistible Rise of the American Wedding" recently, I had an epiphany: the social codes we refer to as "etiquette" arise from three entirely different origins, not all of which are relevant to the modern couple pondering wedding plans. 

Considering the many etiquette books, websites, and advice columns in light of these three components will make it easier for couples to determine what practices will serve them, and which are not germane to their situation.

Element One:  Behaviors to establish class status
As Wallace points out in her book, wealthy Americans were hungry to find ways to differentiate themselves from the lower classes since, unlike the European countries they wished to emulate, America's elite had no blooded aristocracy or royal titles to distinguish them.  Books like Mary Elizabeth Sherwood's 1897 "Manners and Social Usages"  and "The Well-Bred Girl in Society" by Constance Cary Harrison (1898) were manuals that dictated in very certain terms what social signifiers were required for every event, and what behaviors were expected of those of wealth and sophistication.  Many of these recommendations were in fact codified ways to display one's financial power and position.  Some of these class-based rules remain embedded in wedding etiquette today, e.g. strictures about engraved and snail-mailed wedding invitations, or taboos around overtly mentioning gifts or (heaven forfend!) cash. 

Also, the idea that a wedding MUST be a formal function--resulting in the rather bizarre practice of renting clothing in which to be married because one has never attended an aristocratic event and hasn't a tuxedo or ballgown of one's own--also comes from the desire of working- and middle-class people to emulate the upper crust. 

Lest you refuse to believe early American class aspirations still profoundly impact wedding mores, I have one word for you: TIARA.  Need I say more?

Element Two: Popular religious and cultural customs
This includes some customs that are regarded as mandates, such as the bride being escorted by her father, guests being seated on bride or groom's side, the exchange of wedding rings, or the tossing of a bouquet or garter.  Many of these practices are not at all related to the heritage or religious practice of the couple in question, but are so embedded in the popular psyche they are considered "correct" to do by everyone.

For example: both the bridal entrance with the paterfamilias or the "speak now or forever hold your peace" inquiry are, historically speaking, fairly recent and denominationally specific practices from Protestant culture.  Granted, for most of this country's history Protestantism was the prevailing practice, but these moments have been so frequently depicted in films and television that most people assume they are part of their own cultural tradition.  Not so.

Jewish couples are escorted by both parents (who often remain standing at the four corners of the chuppah, not seated in the first row) and the Catholic Rite of Marriage liturgy explicitly states that the bride and the groom are to be escorted by both parents also.  However, the bride-and-dad business is now so culturally embedded that many Catholic and Jewish brides insist on doing it. 

Double ring exchanges are a very recent innovation, only becoming widespread in the prosperous 1950's due to a huge push by the jewelery industry--before that, only the bride received a ring.  Many current wedding and reception "traditions" were in fact manufactured by department stores and associated wedding industries; Vicki Howard's enlightening book "Brides Inc.: American Weddings and the Business of Tradition" details the industrial shifts and marketing campaigns that established many product-based conventions as the only way to conduct a "white wedding" in the U.S.

Element Three: Advice for avoiding emotionally difficult personal situations

Let's be honest, weddings are fraught with emotional landmines and most people aren't well-versed in conflict negotiation or the art of gracefully letting others (or themselves) off the hook.  As Miss Manners so often reminds us, kindess is key; it is important to be thoughtful about how we navigate the wedding process to avoid upsetting others.  It's true that sometimes hurt feelings are unavoidable, so this kind of etiquette also coaches us about ways to allow all parties to save face in embarrassing situations, and how to make amends if we goof up badly. 

You'd think at this point in human evolution kindness would be a default setting; however, in our Age of Snark and changing social structures, modern etiquette books like Elise Mac Adam's "Something New: Wedding Etiquette for Rule Breakers, Traditionalists, and Everyone in Between" help us figure out contemporary problems, such as how to address a wedding invitation to a transgendered person or how to preserve a friendship if you really must decline bridesmaid duty due to lack of funds.

How To Create Your Own Wedding Etiquette

Understanding that not all etiquette is created equal, one can pick and choose what elements are right for you.  Don't particularly want a formal affair?  Throw out everything that you think is meant to emulate rich pinkies-up Victorians.  Want a unique ceremony that's true to your heritage(s)?  Do a little in-depth research about your religious, cultural, or family traditions--asking elders about their weddings can yield some great material here.  Having interpersonal trouble with overzealous friends or a Momzilla?  Talk to someone who can teach you helpful communication techniques (professional counseling for prewedding couples can help keep things on an even keel too) to keep the peace without sacrificing your wedding vision. 

Though this may seem an academic approach, by carefully considering etiquette best-practices for your wedding you may acquire useful skills that will help you for the rest of your married life--and isn't that the best wedding present you can give each other and your community? 

"© Elizabeth Oakes 2009, reprinted with permission"

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Husbands are Great but a Wife… a wife is twice as nice ©

• In Marriage, even the most inconsequential white lie will come back and bite you.

Operating a bridal store for over 25 years, I come across many different marriage dilemmas.  Not long ago one of my brides asked me to exchange the size of her dress label for one that stated that the dress was a size 10.  She said her dream was always to be a size 10 and what better time than for her wedding.  I said no problem and I had my seamstress exchange the sizing tags.  The bride picked up her dress and had a beautiful wedding.

I didn’t give it another thought until she brought her dress back for heirlooming about six months later.  She said her wedding was wonderful and she was very happy.  Then she related this story to me.  “She related they had their first Christmas together and her husband bought her beautiful gifts.  She said after opening all the gifts she asked him whatever made him think she was a size 10?  He said he looked in her wedding gown that was hanging in the closest and since they were only married a month before Christmas the size should be right.  Oh, she said. Explained the difference in bridal sizing, thanked him for the gifts and returned them for the appropriate sizes.”   I asked if she wanted the sizing changed before heirlooming.  “No, she said, in years to come I want everyone to know that I was a size 10 bride.” 

In marriage I guess you have to decide how important that white lie is and how the consequences might affect the relationship. But when it comes to weight, age and size I’m sure over the years white lies will stretch with our waistlines.  In this particular situation it’s mind over matter.  If you don’t mind then does it really matter?

by

Jane Elaine™

Husbands are Great but a Wife… a wife is twice as nice ©

 

• Laughter is great to wake up to. 

This morning I woke up to my husband kissing me goodbye on my cheek.  Usually I’m up but today he decided to be very quiet and not wake me up.  Surprising, since he doesn’t like to do anything alone.  I jumped out of bed and asked all the questions, “do you have your cell phone, computer, keys, wallet, money, what about your cup of coffee?”  He informed me that he would stop at McDonalds.  “What”, I said, “you love the coffee from the Keurig coffee pot I bought you for Christmas”.  “Yes”, he said, “but I’m out of the kitchen until all the mice are gone”.   “I’m on a Mouse Diet, for better or worse richer or poorer but no mice termination” he said.  As I was laughing my … off I started thinking.  It sure is a good thing I’m living in this time in history.  If I was a damsel in the Medieval times and my father said that my suitors had to kill a dragon for my hand, I could probably have kissed this suitor goodbye.

For the past two weeks I’ve been catching mice that have set up their favorite restaurant in our panty.  So my advice on marriage is to respect your mate’s boundaries and laugh.  We were meant for each other.  I’m the mice terminator, he brings home the cheese.  

I probably would have slayed the dragon for him and fib to my dad.

But the “Mouse Diet” has given me ideas for keeping the laughter in this quirky, happy marriage.

 

by

Jane Elaine™

Did anyone think she wouldn't be a beautiful bride?

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A Vera Wang gown and lots of sunshine.  The perfect day for Ivanka and her groom.

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When Bridal Magazines Attack

11Oct09

Confession: I spent $45 dollars on bridal magazines in one trip to the bookstore, and have only been engaged for two weeks. Can anyone top that?

Thought this was such a funny and typical post from a newly engaged bride.  The groom no doubtedly

will be seeing these magazines constantly from cover to cover and say "What have I gotten myself into?"

They will be no conversation that doesn't include, "Well Martha says".  

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Info on Invitations

When I can't say it better.... I don't.. I pass it on.

Everybody talks about wedding invitations, but there are actually many more terms that are associated with them and items that might accompany them.  Below are explanations of some of the more common terms and items that you are likely to encounter while shopping for your invitations. 

    

 

Seal and Send Invitations: This all-in-one wedding invitation style folds up and seals into its own self-mailing piece.  Attached to the invitation by a perforation is the response postcard which is easily removed by the guests.  Since the response piece is a postcard, you will save on postage for the return mailing and the envelope is eliminated.  Pricing for this type of invitation usually includes decorative seals along with a printed return address on both the back flap when initially mailing the invitation and on the response postcard.

Layered Invitations:  This term pertains to invitations that have layers of paper tied or glued together.  Many times the top layer is translucent which means that through the top layer you will see a muted version of the decorative paper that lies underneath. 

 

  

Pocket Wedding Invitations: This style of invitation includes a pocket wrap that holds the invitation card and has a pocket to hold any separate card enclosures.  The wrap then folds up into one piece for enclosing in the mailing envelope.

Announcements:  For those whom you would like to inform of your recent marriage but will not be invited to your wedding, you can choose to mail them an announcement card.  They can be printed on paper that matches your wedding invitation with the verse reading that your wedding has already taken place.  Suggested mailing is on the day of your wedding or immediately after. 

Reception Cards:  An insert card that contains all the details of your wedding reception.  Reception cards can be used in place of having this information printed on your invitation or if only certain guests might be invited to this portion of your celebration.  They can be ordered to match your invitations and then be included as a separate insert.  Please keep in mind that including this card could possibly add to your mailing cost since postage is based on weight.

Response Cards:  Guests are asked to return this card indicating whether they will be able to attend your wedding.  Response cards provide you with the accurate guest count you will need to properly plan for your dinner/reception.  The response card along with its return mailing envelope will be inserted with your wedding invitation.  Remember to include a postage stamp on this small return envelope which will also have a mailing address pre-printed so your guests can easily return it by the date you have requested.   

Map/Direction Cards:  Guests will appreciate direction cards as a convenience if they are not familiar with the location of the church and/or reception.  

Double Envelopes:  Traditionally, formal wedding invitations come with a set of two envelopes.  The outer envelope is actually the mailing envelope containing the name and address of the guests.  The inner envelope holds the invitation along with any insert pieces and is addressed with only the guests' names.  This envelope is left unsealed and placed inside the outer envelope.

Printed Envelope Flaps:  Having your return address printed on the flap of the outside envelope can save you time and ensure that undeliverable wedding invitations are promptly returned to you.  A return address also provides an address to any guests who might not be able to attend but still wish to send a card or gift.  There is usually a small charge for this option. 

Lined Inner Envelopes:  For a small fee, you can request a colored lining on the inside of your inner envelopes to add a special touch to your wedding invitation ensemble.  Color choices will vary depending on the invitation style you choose.

Envelope Seals:  Optional, decorative self-adhesive seals can add the finishing touch to the outside of your mailing envelope.  They are available in many styles and are used to give the illusion that they are holding the flap down even though the envelope has already been sealed. 

Informal Notes:  These are typically used as your thank you notes but it is a good idea to order them when you order your wedding invitations since they can be printed on matching paper and this will save you on shipping costs.  Informal notes are personalized with either your monogram or first names on the front with the inside left blank for you to write your personal message.  Any extras can be used long after the wedding for other purposes.  Blank mailing envelopes are included.

Engraving:  This is a time-honored process of raising ink on paper through a process of etching metal plates, filling the etches with ink, then pressing paper into the plates.

Thermography:  A printing process whereby wedding invitations are printed in ink and a special powder is sprinkled over the wet ink. Then the invitation is sent through a heater which melts the powder and "raises" the ink. Thermography is more cost effective than engraving. 

Many of the above items are not essential to making your wedding invitations complete but now you know some of the options that are available.   Remember, this is your special day, so it’s your decision as to which invitation style you choose and which pieces or special touches to include as part of your entire stationery ensemble. 


Article by Knol

 

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In my email today....

Wedding Mapper

October 23, 2009

By Kristin Sardina

Pick a Website, any Website

We all know that first impressions matter. And we also know that every couple wants their wedding to be unique. It is with these givens in mind that we understand the interest in wedding websites being offered to, and selected by, couples in the wedding space. Wedding websites are often the first displayed material for guests to view and to get an impression of the formality of the weekend, and are therefore chosen by couples with discernment.

Many websites vie for couples to use their site to display their wedding story, the wedding details, and post their wedding registry. How the couple then selects which site to use is an algorithm few can comprehend but it seems to be some relationship among the following variables: knowledge (couples will select from a website provider that they know or have heard of), design (couples want to select a design that will be unique and represent their personalities or the aesthetic of the wedding event), and price (in this economy especially, couples seek bang-for-their-buck).

For a long time theknot.com used to hold the reins in the wedding industry. Appealing to the first factor in the decision process (knowledge), theknot.com is able to capitalize on its brand name to solicit many couples to use their wedding websites out of the valuable benefit of name recognition. However the times, they are a changin’, and many other websites now compete to have couples use their products. In addition to theknot.com, couples can now choose from ProjectWedding.com, MyWedding.com, WeddingWindow.com and, new to the wedding website scene is WeddingMapper.com. Within the last month WeddingMapper.com has launched its wedding websites and offers more than a hundred designs, appealing to the desired “unique” factor that couples demand.

WeddingMapper.com’s new websites are synced with couples’ wedding map so that the map is integrated into the website; and in addition to being able to see where the Ceremony or Reception is, guests can, with a click of a button, get directions to or from there to other events or locations on the map!

Appealing to the last factor, (money- honey) WeddingMapper.com’s websites are also free and can be used in tandem with the other free tools their website provides. Theknot.com, ProjectWedding.com, and MyWedding.com also offer free wedding websites for couples, while WeddingWindow.com charges $11-$159 for use of one of their web designs, but they also offer 536 designs!

So brides and grooms, pick a website, any website, but first do some research on the best site for you and your event.